From the Soccer Sidelines

I'm still not embracing my new role as a soccer mother, but I see the joy that it brings Nathan, so fine...I'll grin and bear it. Not without comments and opinions, and perhaps a few whining sessions. As I drove--in traffic--to soccer practice with Nathan, I grumpily (is that a word?) dreaded sitting out in the heat now that Spring is by the wayside, kicked viciously out of bounds by the impending summer inferno. Come to find out, a really nice breeze whisked around, turning my cranky self into much more comfortable observer.
It is really a riot to watch soccer practice. Each child is so different. I should know this; I work with children. Seeing them every day and all day, however, might cast a little haze over how funny they really are. Watching some of the parents brings different elements of hilarity to the equation. Here's my recollection of the most recent practice.
Player A: One of the coach's sons pouts and refuses to play about 80 percent of the time. Although he's a sweet kid, maybe soccer just isn't his thing. I can understand completely. Soccer has never been my thing and I would pout if I had to play. He hangs, cries, stomps, and kicks the ball allllmost to the bayou so spectators gasp as we KNOW he will inevitably fall in or something. Which he doesn't. But he smiles a coy grin at the ounce of attention.
Player B: Coach's child number two plays pretty decently. One of the better players, I think. It is pretty easy to see that soccer is his and NOT "player A's" idea for recreational fun. He focuses and completes the drills attentively, and well, doesn't pout.
Player C: Fire engine redheaded kid whose aggression stereotypically matches. Darling little kid, but tries to make cheap shots at elbowing, pushing, naahnaahnaahing faces, poking, tripping, hmmm...at his OWN TEAMMATES. If he'd channel his aggression into tactful and skillful soccer playing, he'd be a stellar five year old player. In the meantime, he's just hacking off his own team.
Note: Player C's parents do not see any of said negative behaviors. I swear Dad was napping in the lawn chair for the entire hour behind his shades.
Player D: Obviously he has grown up around soccer. We were early to practice so Player D's older siblings were actually playing with the players already there, kicking back and forth and trying to do loosely organized drills. Player D seems like a really nice kid, and he's not a bad soccer player either.
Player E: Seemingly overscheduled, high energy kid who apparently takes sabotage-your-own-teammate classes with Player C. He's not as aggressive, but he can be a real pest. His mother, however, watches intently and stops him whenever he is starting to act naughty. Thanks mom!
Player F: Younger, well mannered little boy who is probably skilled equally with Nathan. I like talking to his mother. He takes water breaks about once every five minutes, and gets a free cuddle with mom at the same time. I think it's more about the cuddles than the water!
Player G: Oh, BLESS HIS LITTLE HEART. Where do I begin? Full blown tongue exposure, complete with spit blowing ALL THE TIME. He spits toward his mother CONSTANTLY, spits in the direction of his fellow players, coach, other parents for no reason whatsoever. It's NASTY and disrespectful. Mother is clueless, chatting on her cell phone twenty yards away the entire practice. But whenever she IS around, there's no reaction from her at all--even when he's spitting right to her face. When he runs, it's actually pretty funny because his arms revolve like a motor just like a bathtub scuba diver might--just a lot faster.
Player H would be Nathan. He was pretty clueless in the beginning. I can't blame the kid. I've not conditioned him in the area of soccer EVER. He finds grass irregularities or dandelions or line patterns in the soccer goal highly intriguing--perhaps sometimes more intriguing than playing soccer. He runs with his legs flared out in excitement, and sometimes gets disoriented in which direction they should be heading. He is starting to show more aggression and I am not sure if I like that at all. We'll see. I love to see him beam with happiness when he's out there playing--going the right way or not.

They all love to be goalie...at the same time. And pouters pout (and spit--maybe he's trying to be a camel) when it's not their turn. Shoes come off ALL the time. They're often thirsty. Whenever there's a breaktime, several go off into the nearby little trees to climb. And don't come back until mom gets off the cell phone and dad wakes up from his lawn chair nap. Someone usually needs to go to the bathroom, which there is NO bathroom around--conveniently since there are TONS of kids and parents there all of the time. After it all, they are tired little buggers. Nathan loves it, and I am glad for that. I don't love it, but I've found some humor and enjoyment in watching it--and I like to see his smile. I'm glad he's not a spitter.