It was a sad day.

My heart is so heavy today. I've broken down once during school today, and I've carried this weight of sadness that I don't WANT to shake off yet. I've taught many students in my eight years in the classroom. Each child is a gift to my life's story. I may know some for only a short time, and I've kept up with a few through the years. Today I experienced a first: learning of the death of a former student. From the moment I met her, I knew she was ill. Such a delicate little body with such compounded medical conditions, she...my words escape me. I don't know how to work through this. I cannot fathom what her mother and her sister are going through. Therein lies the further compounding of the situation. Her sister has the same underlying medical condition. I can list reasons as to why her death could be a blessing: her life was plagued with hospital stays, painful procedures, recurring illnesses, immobility, weakness. Why was she put on this Earth to live such a painful life? It doesn't make sense. It isn't right for a child to suffer so much. Perhaps it does make sense. Despite her trials and pain and sickness, she touched me. I know she wasn't on this Earth for my selfish enlightenment. She seemed to affect everyone she was around. Children saw her courage and her kindness, her gentleness and her genuine spirit. They saw how determined she was to climb in and out of her wheelchair just to sit with friends on the playground, only using her arms to support her entire painstricken body. Even when I could tell she was really hurting, she was glad to see me and the other students. The children learned from her. I learned from her. I can't seem to grasp the fact that she is no longer with us.