Termination

Over the last couple of weeks now, I've been searching for words that would be appropriate and would poignantly express my feelings about being terminated. For someone who often has plenty to say about things, I have just been overwhelmed with so many emotions.

My principal is recommending to the education board that my contract be terminated at the end of this school year. Ouch. The reasoning? Officially it sounds logical: my salary is (the only campus teaching position) fully funded by Title I funds, and those funds are being yanked for the 2011-2012 school year. And that's that. No other teacher, with more or less seniority, is up for termination at this moment, although as many as seven more may hear similar news within the coming month. I was told to explore my options of future employment and was reminded to fulfill my duties--and show up on time each day--through the end of my contractual year. I was a tad insulted. I've been tardy a total of ZERO times in 5.7 years. I was also informed that the school budget was up for review in March and there was a chance my position could be saved with shuffling of funds. After clarifying that today, apparently even IF my position were saved, it would go to any laid-off teacher in the district that had more seniority than me. Yikes. Seniority counts sometimes, but not in others.

Everything was laid out, literally printed in black and white. I am angry. I am sad. I feel stepped on. My spirit is squished. Community, professional, and school family relations, creativity, hours invested inside AND outside the classroom: all of these things are given a definite end in a few paragraphs of print. The district has budget issues, I acknowledge that. However, I don't feel an ounce of value. Paraphrasing, my 10 years (total) of teaching was reduced to there's no longer funding for your salary, I will recommend termination of your contract, and seek other future employment. It was like a bad break-up letter.

I've spent the last six years putting Nick through dental school. There's no secret to that. I gave every ounce of my being into my beloved profession, but ultimately my family came first at the end of my work day. I had to have clear separation. In order to keep some kind of balance, some kind of sane relationships between myself and my children and husband, I had to sacrifice a bit of extra physical time at work. I couldn't fully develop my professional potential, but I did an stellar job under the circumstances. Somehow I managed to earn a nice award, respect among colleagues, and develop excellent raport with the school community. I will never apologize for protecting my time with my family. Some things suffered a bit--test scores never satisfied the administrative hierarchy. That's an entirely different topic worthy of a novel-sized blog entry, but oh-so-not worth my time right now.

I respect my superiors and empathize with them as they make tough decisions regarding funding. It cannot be easy--we are all human with feelings, home/professional circumstances, and pressures. I'm just sad about the situation.

I know the universe has something in store for me. I must be needed elsewhere...maybe in a certain dental office?--maybe in a number of different places. Stay tuned...